Jude Law, David Letterman, and now, Tiger Woods. With each new cheater that makes headlines comes articles and talk shows posing the question: why do men cheat? I’ve done some research over time.. and some of the answers I have found are disturbing..
In one article, a (male) psychologist and author says that men cheat because “they’ve evolved the desire to be with different women.” While I do support evolution, I do not support this as an acceptable reason for cheating. So basically, men are just zombies mindlessly moving through life via the will of the chemicals in their bodies? With the recent green movement and the issues of poverty and disease and our disappearing natural resources it should be pretty obvious to humanity that there are too many of us. Are people really still holding to the idea that procreation is necessary and ultimately our only purpose? Give me a break! Last I checked there are about 6.8 BILLION people, of which a good handful (respectively) do not even have access to drinking water. Look around fellas, living by the will of your groin is destroying the planet, good job. I think it’s safe to say that we can chill out with the sex, and start EVOLVING a bit to focus our energies on improving the quality of life for ourselves and our children.
# 2. The flame of passion has been extinguished
Unhappy in your marriage or relationship? Not motivated enough to seek counseling? Too lazy to move your stuff out? Just cheat on the bitch! Yeah, that’ll solve everything! While adding the element of excitement by cheating may renew interest in your relationship, the excitement isn’t mutual. Cheating is an act of pure selfishness. I don’t care if love and sex are not connected for most men, for women it’s in our biology that they are. Also, I’m pretty sure the average guy would not be happy if his wife or girlfriend cheated. Maybe you don’t want to break up your family with a divorce.. well, as a child of a couple of divorces, let me tell you please do not stay together for the kids. No child should have to watch or hear the two people they love and look up to the most do or say such hurtful, ugly things to each other. Children need a positive and loving environment to grow up in, two miserable and hurt parents cannot provide this.
#3. Monogamy is unrealistic
This one.. this is something I struggle with, because we very well may be moving away from monogamy. One article I read introduced the model of serial monogamy. This seems in line with most people’s lifestyles, as most of us will date several people before making that ultimate commitment. I think that dating is a great way to learn about yourself and find out what you want in a relationship. Let’s not lose our focus here though, serial monogamy is simply having several consecutive monogamous relationships. There’s no room for cheating in serial monogamy, somebody will still get hurt. The only other option is polyamory and if two (or three or four..) people consent to this and are strong enough emotionally to handle it, power to them.
It is a lot to expect someone to be fully content with spending the rest of their life with you. We can’t see the future, I know that who I am now is not the same person I will be tomorrow. I want my husband to be someone with whom I can spend time and share new experiences. I want my husband to be a friend. I don’t think it’s too much to ask of him to be in control of his actions and to not to jeopardize the love we have created. If down the road we grow apart so be it, it’s not failure it’s change. At least things can end mutually and on a positive note. There is simply no good reason to cheat.
We all have the power to choose our paths in life.