Recently in the news there have been stories of this theory of a recognizable developmental stage that takes place between adolescence and the settled living most achieve sometime in their 30s. It has been coined as “Emerging Adulthood.” Originally on my way out the door this morning I had planned to write a little bit reflecting on how I’ve changed through the years. I ended up reading a 10 page article in the new york times about this developmental stage first. I could write a long entry about my opinion on this theory, but that would be redundant and kinda boring (especially if you read the article). As this is my blog and a tool for my own personal growth, I am going to compromise and reflect on my own emerging adulthood.
I started keeping a journal around 2001, and then I stupidly allowed an ex to read them, and when he got upset at their content (I should have seen that coming), I burned them. On the one hand I’m sad I will never have that time capsule to poke through again, but on the other I’m glad I’ve saved myself the humiliation of reliving less mature times. Fortunately, around 2002 the internet grabbed my attention and I am amazed to see that one of my online journals that has been “dead” for 6 years is still happily existing at its url in cyberspace. In all I have 4 journals online (this one included) where nearly anyone can gain limited access to my thoughts over the years. I’ve had soooo many blogs/journals/diaries on various websites (diaryland, xanga, livejournal, vox, wordpress etc.). It’s obviously important for me to have a place to reflect. If you’re like me, and you have this constant dialog in your head where current events are mulled over, dreams are dreamt, emotions are interpreted, and ideas and perceptions are created, refined, or discarded all simultaneously, the difficulty of traversing through this tangled web of thought interferes with being a mindful, productive human being. I often feel like I am trapped in my own mind. Having a journal or blog allows for a place to confront all these thoughts, and hopefully lay them to rest, or at least quiet them until some later event resurrects them.
In reading through past writings, I do see a kind of yo-yo-ing, so many times since high school I thought I had certain things figured out. It’s as if in my quest for fulfillment and happiness I’ve been led on a wild goose chase. After high school I followed the path for a promising career in web, only to get there and have the sense of accomplishment fade away as I realized it wasn’t what I wanted after all. So now I’ve gone the opposite direction, and am rejecting conventional apparatuses for “success” and branching out so that I can hopefully get a well-rounded summary of, really, who I am and who I want to be. I’ve been toying with several career ideas, trying on different relationships (currently very satisfied in that department), challenging my societal and world views, and continually taking risks and tossing myself out of my comfort zone. I see it as research. If I’m going to settle down and find who I am most compatible with, where I want to focus my efforts career-wise (i.e. how I can contribute to the world to make it better), and how I want to raise my future children (if I even have any), well dammit I need to look at all the possibilities. I only get one life and one shot at being young. This is a time where I can still experiment with ideas and if mistakes are made, recover quickly. I’m not going to let this period of opportunity pass me by. I’m not satisfied just paying the bills (though of course I hope to always have them paid.. hehe.. ^_^;).
I must admit I am growing tired of the yo-yo-ing but, I think fortunately, though the path remains uncertain, I am moving in the right direction. I’ve certainly tapped into my passions, and I know under what circumstances I accel. Now it’s just figuring out how to employ these findings to my advantage. I am happy that at least some puzzle pieces are starting to connect.