Nail Biting

I am not going to diagnose myself. I am just going to write about my struggles.

Nail biting is a very common habit and for a lot of people it is not a big deal. I have been a nail biter my whole life and it has never interfered with my quality of life.

..until I try to quit. Continue reading

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I do not always want to be happy

There is a part of me that has been locked away for a while. It’s for the best I suppose, but sometimes I really miss it.
There was a period in my life where I was very confused. I guess it was me coming of age. I don’t think it’s abnormal. It started in college when I left my long-time boyfriend and first love. My parents both lived far away so for the first time in my life I had no one I had to explain myself to. I partied and dated different men, and it was liberating and felt great. Of course I did stupid things, but I was shielded from guilt or humility by my own blissful ignorance. Somewhere in the middle of it all I was writing better than I had ever written. Poems just fell out of me, it felt so good. Continue reading

Escapism: For your health.

If you have been reading my blog at all you know I touch on a lot of volatile subjects. Recently I’ve been trying to move to more happier and upbeat posts in an effort to not be so negative. Well, fortunately I am a person who goes through phases, and I think that my pallete has grown numb to politics. I still read news and form my own opinions, but for the moment I’ve grown tired of bitching about them. Maybe it’s because I’m happier these days and I no longer need to externalize my inner turmoils in the form of bitter cultural criticism. Whatever the case may be, I like writing, and I need to find new things to write about.
I’ve always been a fan of art and now technology has allowed me limitless resources for inspiration. I like working with my hands and making things, but there’s never been one “thing” that I do or make. Continue reading

Success

This morning I read a good article about success. I share the sentiments of the author, and I would like to kind of build upon what was said there in this entry. To summarize, the author basically was saying that he doesn’t live his life in a constant climb to the top. He feels he would have to compromise too many of his personal values to make more money and basically his dignity is more important than his paycheck. I think that is a fantastic attitude to have and I wish our society made it easier for good, honest people to find themselves in positions of power without having to lie, cheat, or steal to get there. Maybe then we’d have a government with less corruption. All I can do is speculate… Continue reading

Positive thinking

I carry a lot of anger with me; anger with those who disagree with/are different from me and anger with myself. However all this anger is paired with a great deal of hope and even love. I generally think of myself as an upbeat person, but the more I look back and reflect on my internal dialogues throughout life, the more I realize that I can be a very negative person. I really don’t like that about myself, and I am working on changing that. I want positive thoughts to trump negative ones and I think for this post I’m going to reflect on the various scales to which this kind of cognitive model can apply. I am starting where I have the most shameful negative thinking and working my way to more general and less invasive thoughts. Continue reading

“Emerging Adulthood”

Recently in the news there have been stories of this theory of a recognizable developmental stage that takes place between adolescence and the settled living most achieve sometime in their 30s. It has been coined as “Emerging Adulthood.” Originally on my way out the door this morning I had planned to write a little bit reflecting on how I’ve changed through the years. I ended up reading a 10 page article in the new york times about this developmental stage first. I could write a long entry about my opinion on this theory, but that would be redundant and kinda boring (especially if you read the article). As this is my blog and a tool for my own personal growth, I am going to compromise and reflect on my own emerging adulthood. Continue reading

Dad

My dad is in prison. He has a very long sentence for a horrible crime (and that’s as far as I’m gonna get into that). He sends me letters and I write him back. I’ve always known him to be a great artist, scifi is his preferred subject and he can be very detailed. Here are some of his drawings he’s sent me. The easter card is the most recent thing he’s sent me. He’s been making cards for other inmates to send home.